i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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