I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
