The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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