I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
