Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Two words: blizzard sex
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
