i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
