what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
