Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
