i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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