wanna go halves on a baby?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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