we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
