Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
my sisters under your porch take her home
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
