Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
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