dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
