My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
