Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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