So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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