dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I just had sex on a roof
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
