Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
