you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Randomize
