i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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