This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I cut my penus on the lid.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
