i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
