I got chris browned last night
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
