So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
