oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
