Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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