You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
