You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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