I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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