i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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