What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
