Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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