Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
