do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
