I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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