i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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