I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I believe in your delicious
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
