I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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