you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
