Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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