we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
