been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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