yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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