Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
