I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
3 2 1 whiskey
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
