Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
