You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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