You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
