I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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