Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
