i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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